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It is not unusual for children to develop fears at an early age. Some of the most common fears are the fear of the dark, fear of monsters, fear of being separated from their parents, and the fear of new things.
One of the most important things for parents to keep in mind is, in dealing with their children’s fears, they must not belittle the child. The parent knows that the dark is nothing to be afraid of, but to a child the fear is very valid and extremely real.
When your child expresses a fear, you must be accepting of his or her apprehensions. For example:
"I can understand why the dark is scary. You can’t see your room clearly or your toys. But I promise, the dark isn’t bad. Night happens just like day happens."
Of course, this problem can readily be solved by a nightlight bright enough for the child to recognize familiar surroundings upon awakening during the night.
Fear of monsters can force parents to get creative. Statements such as, "There are no monsters allowed in our house!" can be surprisingly effective. If they don’t work a play telephone and a special number to dial can work. "If you dial 1-2-3-4 the monsters will go away." Even a talisman will work. "Get that pretty rock you found at the park. That can be your monster rock—it’ll help keep them far away."
As silly as all this may sound to the parent, to a child it can offer relief and lessening of very real fears.
Separation anxiety is an even tougher fear to tackle. Unfortunately, the best way for this fear to be remedied is for the parent to bite the bullet and leave the child with the temporary caregiver. If you allow the babysitter, grandparent, aunt or nanny to go on and interact with the child things will calm down quicker. For most children it doesn’t take long to catch on that they will be fine and that you will return. A few swift good-byes and you’ll most likely find that the tragedy and tears cease.
Finally, the fear of new things takes patience above all else. You must constantly reinforce a "can do" attitude. When children say, "I can’t" they usually mean "I don’t want to" and that mainly stems from fear.
Parents need to respond with "I’ll try it with you", "Let’s try before saying ‘can’t’", "You can do just about anything you want if you try hard enough". Sometimes children just need to know that the parent thinks they can do something. Show that you believe in them, and you’ll build their self-esteem even at an early age.
Above all, remember that childhood is ripe with fears for most children. Unless you feel your child is paralyzed with fear, it is perfectly normal. In extreme cases consult your child’s physician. As the parent, it is your job to help your children learn to face their fears, and whenever possible, move past them!
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